“I don’t ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember. Somewhere inside me there’ll always be the person I am to-night.”—From Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald (via m-as-tu-vu)
Did you say your lovers were liars? All my lovers were liars too. Did you say you were afraid of dying? I ain’t lived a single day without you. Do you wanna come over? I was just about to call you. Did you say you were lonely? I was just about to miss you.
There are times when you realise that you’ve got to risk emptiness and nothingness if we are ever to let go and be able to move on. As much as we don’t want to admit it’s a dead end simply backing up will save you scratching your fingers to the bone.
But would you have wanted the presence of someone who pretty obviously didn’t love you, anyway? Probably not, not after everything you’ve been through. Not after seeing the emotional toll it took on those people who did stick it out. Who held your sweaty hand until you inevitably got over your needle fears, or joked with you before they wheeled you away to be operated on by some stranger that you could only hope was like Turk from Scrubs. Instead of killing yourself over the one person who couldn’t be there for you, who didn’t love you, you decide to appreciate all the people who remained steadfastly at your side, never wavering, never turning away from the ugly truth that cancer is.
You get over your boyfriend dumping you the day you find out you have cancer by deciding your life is too precious to waste on someone who never loved you in the first place.
“Maybe…you’ll fall in love with me all over again.”
“Hell,” I said, “I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?”
“Yes. I want to ruin you.”
“Good,” I said. “That’s what I want too.”—― Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms (via beauty-is-in-the-i)
“Don’t tell me that you love me, because anyone can tell me that. Tell me that I make you tear up with anger and frustration, but at the end of the day you still want to lay down next to me, put your arms around me, and sleep.”—Unknown (via thegirlwiththelittlecurl)
Yeah anger and frustration mostly. But probably at myself for not getting that flight when I should have. The love is outside question.